Getting On: Living mindfully with loss

Bruce Hawtin isn’t one to linger. In his 52nd year at the helm of Hawtin Jorgensen Architects, he’s literally had a hand (with partner Arne Jorgensen) in building Jackson as we know it today. In addition to his work, he’s an avid reader, a member of various boards about town, and the caretaker of a Labradoodle named Buji, all of it moving at a good clip (especially the ‘doodle). 

And yet, he says, it only takes a sentence or two of conversation, just a few breaths most days, for him to unintentionally circle back to his greatest loss, of his wife, Carolynn, in late 2018. "She was just a great gal, and I miss her every day,” he says plainly. When it became clear that their ways would part, Carolynn got him to promise he’d “get on with his life” when she was gone. Easier said than done, naturally. 

But two things have helped him make strides in keeping his word, he says: community and mindfulness practice. First, he’s part of two men’s groups—one private and one through his church—where members meet weekly and dig into more than they might discuss in casual small talk on the street. “We all have issues we talk about,” Bruce explains. “One group is anonymous and what we bring to that group stays there, which is a relief to a lot of men there, I think.” The other group—which Bruce has been part of for more than 16 years—comprises of a “bunch of old Episcopalians,” he explains with a chuckle. They don’t talk politics but they do discuss current events, a book they’re reading, anything else that might spark lively debate.     

The second habit Bruce relies on is mindfulness practice, an interest he’s been cultivating through Becoming Jackson Whole since the non-profit started in 2019. Today he subscribes to several mindfulness resources and newsletters online just to try a wide variety of practices and incorporate what he likes best.  

He starts every morning with the Daily Act micro-practice email from BJW, for example. These small acts (with big impact) take just a minute or two, require no prior experience, and cultivate core mindfulness skills such as self-awareness, focused attention, awe, and gratitude.  

The key, Bruce says, is to trust that the practice works and do it, without overthinking it or rushing or trying to benchmark anything. “When it says, ‘Close your eyes and inhale deeply,’ I do that,” he explains. “When it says, ‘Scan your body for tension,’ I do it. I read every one of them. They’re fun, and they make great sense.”  

The biggest benefit, Bruce says, is the joy in realizing he’s noticing things about living—yes, even without Carolynn’s gentle reminders—that he might miss if he didn’t know how to pay attention. “I look forward to the little encouragement to ‘Follow the breath’ or say, ‘May you be safe’ for someone else [recent practices from Becoming Jackson Whole]. Would I think of that on my own? I probably wouldn’t.” 

But something is working, he concludes, even without his engineering exactly how: “I’m beginning to feel that mindfulness is just embedded in me,” he says. “I sense it coming out when I think about things.”  

That’s surely what Carolynn had in mind. 

Bruce and Buji, whom Carolynn named after a boat Bruce’s family owned many years ago!