What Binds Us
by Sara Flitner
Sitting in a conference room under dim lights, I had just finished guiding a “metta” practice for our local police, part of a year-long “train the trainer” program the Jackson Police Department is piloting with Becoming Jackson Whole.
Having already learned the core principles of mindfulness practice, our Chief of Police, several officers, and a participant Zooming in from Star Valley are now shouldering a big responsibility: to broaden mindfulness and resilience training to reduce stress and turnover, and to learn effective ways to manage focus, mental health, relationships, and workplace performance. It’s a commitment that begs tough questions, asking significant introspection of our frontline peacekeepers.
The metta or “well wishes” practice, for one thing, is one where the focus of the practice is not on the breath, or body sensations, as is common, but on a set of phrases designed to generate feelings of compassion for self and others. It offers phrases like, “May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy and protected. May you live with ease.”
As we adjusted to the room under fluorescent light, one of the sergeants weighed in during the debrief. “It’s hard to find compassion for someone when I know how much they really hurt someone else. I don’t really want a terrorist to be safe,” he said. A knowing stillness settled around the table. And I was the one turning his response over in my mind.
I haven’t watched the news since election day, making a promise to myself that the information I seek is not coming from CNN or Fox News, but from finding better questions to help me understand how to live with my values in a divided country. The second thing I committed to, after taking a news sabbatical, was to try to notice when I am about to speak and to make sure I can't get farther by listening.
So far, I have only learned a few things. One, I feel better not letting the media hijack my well-being with their alarm bells. I do not have my head in the sand, but I am putting my attention toward places where I can learn or help. For this, I go to actual people, not cable news. I have learned that even people who disagree with my views do not disagree with my desire to have peace, fairness, health, and medicine, if I need it. Food that is nutritious and affordable, loved ones who are succeeding. I have learned that even people who have different political views than mine also felt lonely after the election, because half of the country did not understand them. Working with Jackson’s public servants, I feel a profound honor to be granted insight into their daily duties, so different from mine—the care they feel for their fellow officers, for victims of terrible things, for their duty.
As a mom, I know what it is like to hold vigilance for the safety and well-being of another, but I know little about the weight of responsibility for protecting an entire community. I could definitely see, despite my desire to hold compassion for almost any situation, that I, too, would feel as this officer did if I lived with those daily responsibilities, my attention constantly scanning for threats.
The conversation continued with no prescription for right or wrong, good or bad. One of BJW’s mindfulness trainers invited more to chew on: “Remember,” he said, “acceptance of a situation or compassion for a person is really about experiencing more freedom for yourself.” We’re all connected, we all have an impact on each other, he went on to say, so having some compassion for or acceptance about that is really about giving ourselves more tools. We give ourselves a little room. We don’t swallow the pill of hate or vengeance, but we do act. We make the arrest. We secure the perimeter. We hopefully succeed and go home to our families.
The next morning, I awoke to a group text from the officer who had spoken up, addressing all of the session addendees. “Cheers to my last day of whitetail season,” he texted from the field. “Continuing last night’s class, an open mindset is allowing me to appreciate all those who make days like this possible, from the public land groups, my friends who hunt with me, and my wife for taking care of [our son]. Having the power to have that mindset really does create lots of compassion.”
In a season centered on giving thanks, may you and your loved ones feel safe and happy, may you find thanksgiving for the breath that keeps you alive, that you share with those whom you understand and those whom you don’t. May we all find room to understand more.
