Ebb and Flow? (There's some irony here.)

I was on my way to Jackson Hole Mountain Resort last week, car stuffed with banners, signs, and trail markers, to set up for Becoming Jackson Whole’s 3rd Annual TRYathlon. As many of you know, this feel-good “fitness for mind and body” event is playful, inviting, and designed to build local community around this whole idea of cultivating well-being inside and out. I was feeling good, just thinking about all the smiles we share at this event each year.

Maybe I got lost in thought, but according to, well, me, I was driving along adequately following the rules about speed and blinkers and stoplights. A horn blared in my vicinity, but it didn’t even occur to me that I was its target.

I turned to look as a car veered around me….and that’s when I noticed that the driver was slowly clapping their hands with what appeared to be condescension. And sneering. My brain felt foggy as it tried to assimilate applause with angry sneer. I took three deep breaths and came face to face with an elegant realization: that felt completely shitty.

When something like this happens to me, it reminds me that by cultivating an awareness of the moment, of noticing what happens throughout the day, I take in all of it. I notice the moon hanging in the sky, a bolder hue of lemon yellow than last night’s. And I also notice how really crappy it feels to notice, well, how really crappy you sometimes feel.

Fact: I don’t like this part.

We heard from the brilliant Dr. David Creswell on his research about how much healthier we are – physically and mentally – when we can channel our reactions from knee-jerk to more thoughtful responses. We build this emotional balance, this equanimity, by paying attention to our emotions and experiences, by fully processing them in the moment, and moving on.

Another fact: it works. I sat in the car in the parking lot at the resort and took a few more deep breaths. I said a few self-compassionate things, which in this case involved a few choice swear words and an R-rated version of giving myself permission to feel hurt, embarrassed, confused, insulted, whatever.

Deep into the event a few hours later, the angry driver wasn’t even a dim memory. When I sat down to type out a few words to you, our beloved BJW community, I realized I hadn’t thought about that driver again. Then I remembered a similar incident years ago that I had spent far too much time and energy resuscitating. In fact, I had recounted what that [expletive] had done and said over and over for days on end to anyone who would listen. (How’s that for rumination?)

I wonder: how long were either of those drivers (then and now) irate over my offenses? I guess it depends on their equanimity skills. Thankfully, mine improved between the two incidences so I could fully enjoy the TRYathlon without any lingering concern about what I did or didn’t do behind the wheel.

So, if the heel of your hand itches to lay on the horn this time of year, please join me in taking a few deep breaths before directing frustration toward your fellow drivers. Remember: you can still swear under even the most mindful of breaths. This causes absolutely no harm (polite company excepting) and is much better than spreading contempt on the roads.

It’s August. We’ve got this. (May you be safe. May you be at ease. May you not be flipped the bird out there.)