The Moment It Works

Sitting on the tarmac recently, I found myself calculating the high probability of missing my connection as each minute of a delay ticked by.

As my frustration built, I grabbed the industry standard advice, metaphorically, and reached for the oxygen mask. Deep breaths. Focus on noticing the other travelers. The collection of other people who also had plans and worries and something waiting on the other side of the flight. I settled down. I remembered that, some years back, I had my first major breakthrough from practicing mindfulness while traveling. 

I was sitting on a plane then, too. Waiting. Ignoring the announcements and trying to tick through a few more emails before wheels up. Suddenly I became aware I was feeling agitated. Nervous. This being aware of moods or body sensations was a new by-product of months and years of mindfulness practice, so I shut my laptop and began focusing my attention, curious about why my body was giving me a red alert.

Daniel Kahneman (Nobel Prize winner for his seminal book, Thinking, Fast and Slow) calls the systems that operate mostly below our awareness “System 1 Thinking” and much of this work, loosely, involves the brain simply sorting into categories of “safe” and “unsafe” based on previous experience.

My brain was signaling that something was potentially unsafe because something was different. The difference here, I realized with shock, was that I was hearing the voice of a female pilot over the the plane’s intercom. Though everyone in my family, including the men, are card-carrying pro-equality, pro-feminism people, my own brain, in automatic sort mode, had betrayed my beliefs. 

There wasn’t a single ounce of me that felt less safe upon realizing a woman was in charge of our flight, but I realized with more befuddlement that it was the only time I could recall hearing a woman’s voice from the control panel of the plane. My brain just recognized the pattern and sent its alarm bells.  

We often say that mindfulness is not a silver bullet, and won’t protect you from struggle, pain, or missed connections. It will bring more of your life into focus, so that you can actually make decisions that make sense for your priorities. It would have been ludicrous had I followed the knee-jerk instinct I was feeling, which was to flee the circumstance. By bringing things into focus, we empower ourselves with agency to respond with skill, rather than to react. 

Self-awareness is the one real super power, and to have it means you have the ability to navigate challenges more smoothly, and also to make choices that allow you to live your best life, instead of emulating someone else’s. Most of us spend most of the first half of our lives chasing the kinds of accolades and success we have been conditioned to want, and often the result is to end up with a lot of things that don’t actually feed us. At some point, it becomes apparent that life is simply a chain of moments, and the more awareness we have in making small, quality choices, the longer the chain of satisfaction lengthens.  

Mindfulness provides a path to developing both the wise questions and the ability to notice the answers as they arise. It can be as simple as spending a few minutes every few hours checking in with body sensations, and noticing if you really do need to get off that plane. More likely, you’ll find simple solutions to seemingly vexing problems. You scan your environment, and realize you just need food, water, a stretch. Surprisingly, many conflicts or bad decisions can be avoided if we slow down long enough to notice if we just need to cover the basics, like eating or getting outside. 

Over time, I have found noticeable results with one simple practice, both for its immediate benefits and growing awareness of patterns: 

As many times as you can remember to do so each day, or whenever you feel tension or worry building, stop.  

Take a few deep breaths.  

Then, proceed through your senses, giving each one a breath or two of full attention. 

What do you see, hear, smell and feel in your body?  

Label one or two things that come into your field of awareness. Don’t pressure yourself to change anything that is happening. Just notice with curiosity and neutrality.  

Then, ask yourself, “What can I do to help myself or another feel as well as possible right now?” 

You might be surprised. Instead of believing the dramatic, subconscious story and fleeing the plane, maybe all you need to do is pay attention.