Feeling it? We are, too.
There is no benefit to whitewashing emotions.
While we talk a lot about compassion and gratitude (both are very good), it is also important to be able to skillfully “feel what you feel.” Much of our stress and suffering comes from trying to outrun our emotions. This just adds layers of . . . well . . . stress and suffering.
Some things are sad. Some things are tiring, confusing, and scary. And when you read the research on the benefits of gratitude, generosity and compassion practices, it can sound like a suggestion to delegitimize certain emotions. Don’t do that. Instead, feel free to both experience your emotions and have mental fitness strategies that offer relief. It’s both-and, not either-or.
Today I woke up to a social media reminder from a year ago, a photo of our happy, hard-working son on a college visit, pulling me in for a hug, with a full-to-brimming restaurant scene in the background. I was suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts about myself -- my losses, my loneliness.
Here’s how it went for me this morning: I felt sad, and then I felt guilty about feeling sad. I tried to wriggle away from feeling loss about no family spring break, no senior prom, no graduation with Silas’ grandparents and favorite aunts. Worries about business, my parents, our security. Then I just said the names of the emotions to myself for a few seconds. “Sad. Tired. Disappointed.” I located where I was experiencing sadness -- pit of stomach, center of chest. I put my attention and breath there. (If you remember last week’s blog, you know that the physiological sensation of an emotion only lasts about 90 seconds.)
Guess what? I still felt sad. But I felt sad through a lens of curiosity, and soon I found myself thinking about all the people I care about -- all of you, who are likely feeling some version of the same thing. Without trying to, I was thinking of others, and suddenly making a list of things I wanted my day to include. Helping others. Thinking of new ways to do things. Holding fast to a vision of a future “on the other side of this” that includes more security and safeguards, better access to healthcare and education, a planet that is healthy enough to continue to host us.
Sadness gave way to resolve. Back in business.
I want you to roll out the welcome mat for whatever you’re feeling today. Don’t judge it. Don’t try to change it. Invite the range of emotions that belong to you in this moment, and give yourself healthy doses of curiosity. (This is not recommended for victims of trauma. There are incredible mental health experts in our community who are equipped to help navigate trauma.)
Below we offer a few practices to help you build stamina for “feeling the feels.”
Stay in touch. Let us know what works. We care.
With love (and quite a few other emotions),
Sara and the Becoming Jackson Whole Team
This week’s pocket practice
FEEL your emotions.
NAME them.
LOCATE them in your body.
BREATHE into that place for 10 cycles, about 90 seconds.
Don’t resist. Don’t expect unicorns and rainbows. Uncomfortable emotions are part of being human, and aside from trauma, abuse and mental illness, those emotions won’t hurt you much.
This week’s guided meditation
This 12-minute guided practice is designed to build resilience for accessing and managing emotions. It is offered by the extraordinarily gifted Kirsten Corbett (who is halfway through a two-year intensive for mindfulness and meditation instruction).
All you need to do is get quiet and comfortable and push play.